Cinderella Syndrome

I have to say there was a time in our marriage that I thought to myself why did I bother divorcing the 1st idiot if the 2nd one is just the same??!?!?! I spent half the day finding things to hate about Dave just so I could have a legitimate reason to be pissed off at him when he got home. He didn't throw the trash, he didn't help with the kid/s (before there were 2!). He threw his dirty clothes on the floor, played a little more "call of duty" than I was comfortable with, he wasn't romantic enough, yada, yada, yada. You get the point. I in fact had pretty much convinced myself that there was absolutely NOTHING on God's green earth good about this man I had married. That being said, I was a very miserable woman. One day I screamed at him and told him he obviously didn't love me because he never bothered to do anything romantic. "Well, what is romantic to you?" he asked. "I don't know how to be romantic, give me some ideas." "If I have to give you ideas it isn't very romantic is it?" I snapped back. "Why don't you google it!" I shouted sarcastically over my shoulder as I stormed off. Things continued at this pace for another month or so and we were nothing more than roommates who happened to share a bed and last name. One day I convinced myself that I didn't need him, I have been a single mother before, by golly, I can do this again. I told him I was very unhappy in our marriage and that if things didn't change, I wanted out. He agreed that he was also unhappy and had no desire to fix it if I didn't. I thought about what he said that night after he had gone to bed and truly had to dig deep to see if I had the desire to make this work. I begin to make a list of his good and bad qualities and after the first 5 irritating habits of his I wrote down in the "bad" column was stumped. I couldn't think of one single thing I loved about him and this made me angry and sad and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I cried out to God and asked for his guidance on how to resolve the hatred and resentment I had for my husband. I went to bed that night discouraged. When Dave left for work the next morning, I tried to pretend to be asleep so he wouldn't try to talk to me and to my surprise he came over to my side of the bed and kissed me gently on the forehead before leaving. As the door shut behind him I remembered that he kissed me the same way every morning but normally I'm awake when he leaves. I didn't however realize that he did this even if I was asleep and blissfully unaware of it or after a fight. I broke down crying because suddenly I had this list of "good" flooding my mind. I ran to the living room and grabbed my notebook and started jotting things down. I remembered that he kisses me sweetly on the forehead EVERY night without fail and says the same "goodnight beautiful" whether we have been fighting or not. I realized that his love for me is unconditional and although it seems that throughout the day he has a difficult time displaying his affections they are definitely there! It dawned on me that him asking what was romantic to me was his way of saying he DID want to work on it but that I had to help him. So, I took my own advice and googled the subject. I typed in "the most romantic thing your husband has ever done" in the search bar and expected to find stories of "I love you" billboards, special surprise dates, and gourmet dinners. What I found instead made me giggle. I found entries from moms saying the most romantic thing their husband had ever done was take over dish duty, take the kids to the movies so they could indulge in a quiet bubble bath, and whisper sweet little nothings in their ears. What!??!? You mean to tell me my husband IS romantic by the average woman's standards? Then and there I vowed not to view things in my marriage in a negative light. I realized that my perception of love and marriage was an unrealistic fantasy. I had what I like to call "Cinderella Syndrome". I thought that true love had to be a fairy tale. The truth of the matter is, life isn't a fairy tale, you create your own happy endings. We have to let go of our glass slipper fantasies and embrace real world love that I have come to realize is 100 times better than fairy tale love. When Dave came home that afternoon I hugged him tightly and was newly in love with him. I realized that the frustrations we were both dealing with could easily be resolved with a little bit of communication. We discussed our expectations of each other and offered suggestions on how we could achieve these expectations of one another. When we BOTH put forth an effort it became virtually effortless to make each other happy. We now know what is expected of each other and what makes the other tick. I shudder at the thought of being without this man. He makes me so incredibly happy. He has become the husband and father that makes other envious. We share a love for each other that is real, passionate, and better than anything you will see in a Disney movie! Don't get me wrong we still have the occasional tift, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. But, we know how to fight and we know how to make up afterwards ;) I thought I knew what love was before this but boy was I wrong. His absence causes me physical pain and his voice melts me. His strong and yet gentle touch dissolves my worries. Do I get "I love you billboards" and other insane movie-like romance? Nope, but the difference is, I don't want them anymore! I am unconditionally in love with my husband and his displays of affection are romantic enough for me!