I'm "OKAY"

Are you okay? How are you doing? We ask these questions everytime we see someone we know. I think we all just automatically spit out a simple, "I'm okay". So, why is it that we don't describe how were really feeling? Is it because saying it all just takes up a little too much time? "I'm stressed, I'm exhuasted and overwhelmed. I'm grateful for what I have but, I'm always wanting more. Some days I don't have control over my children and my patience is running thin. I don't get to do my hair everyday and I haven't recently found the time to shave my legs. Overall, I'm just barley hanging on." For this reason, most days if you ask me how I'm doing, I just say "I'm alive" because, honestly, some days, that's the best I can do. Some days are better than others, and since Dave has been gone, I seem to have more bad days than good. I try to keep myself busy throughout the day. My to-do list grows each day. But sometimes, when the kids are in bed, and the house falls silent, I am ANYTHING but "okay". I stay awake until I just can't any more because the thought of crawling into our big bed all alone just makes me cringe. Some nights, I can almost feel his hand on my cheek and his lips on mine. I can almost hear his "goodnight beautiful". I try to line his side of the bed with pillows so I don't feel so all alone. I angle 2 that I can lay on to simulate his shoulder. lol The point is, most days, I'm not "okay" and if I tell you I am, I'm just being polite. Most days, I, like most of you, am just trucking along trying to make it through the day.