Livin' on redbull

It seems these days I don't have much time to blog let alone eat or breathe! I'm juggling the kids and I'm overall just loosing my mind! Ballet, Soccer, more ballet, playdates, home school. Eeeesh. I'm pooped-I can barley keep up with it all! I'm pretty much living on sugar-free redbull for the past few weeks. On top of the crazy schedules my kids keep, I also have to juggle my 10,000 sidejobs. Cakes, Photography, Passion parties-OH MY! We are also gearing up for a garage sale so I have cleaned out each and every room and now I'm pretty sure I can't even walk in my garage. I feel so overwhelmed with boxes that I don't even know where to begin sorting it. I have half a mind to just call someone to haul it all away but with the holidays around the corner I could certainly use some extra $$$! So, I'm running around with the kids during the day, trying to get my chores done at night, and editing pictures in between! The photography thing is picking up. I certainly didn't think that I was good enough to make a career of it yet but, I seem to improve a little with each shot and am getting calls for holiday bookings. Thank you LORD! Check out my website to see what I have been up to: www.onlinepictureproof.com/pieceofcakephotography. My ex-husband moved to Dallas this week so I will also be working on adjusting to new schedules as far as his visits with Payton are concerned. On a lighter note, I visited the pumpkin patch 1 too many times last week! I wanted to get some fall pictures of my girls so we went out Tuesday. Taylor and some friends had a playdate there on Thursday, we met my sister and her kiddos there for more pics Friday, and some friends on Saturday to snap some pics of their darling new baby Aiden in his pumpkin costume. I haven't edited Aiden's pics yet or my nieces but here are some of my favorites of my kiddos!

oh and you MUST see Taylor with her friends Aubrey & EmmaNicole. These 3 definetly drew a crowd!

off to bed because my redbull is starting to wear off!

look up in the sky... it's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPERMOM!

If you have children you know that there are many things you loose the second you give birth. Personally, I lost my sanity, my figure, perkiness in a certain area, the ability to consume large amounts of alcohol, the luxury of sleeping in, and clean shirts just to name a few. On the other hand you gain a whole new appreciation for the simple things in life. I never took the time to admire a butterfly 0r a pretty flower until I had Payton. There is so much you sacrifice for your children and you do it without even thinking about it. One of my favorite movies of all time is "where the heart is". When they present Natalie Portman's character with her newborn baby girl for the very 1st time she says: "How can you love someone so much who you just met?" I think this sums it up. From the MOMENT you know that child is there growing inside of you, you form this undying completely selfless love. It's a love you never imagined existed. I love everything about being a mom (okay maybe I could live without the spit up on my shirt). All I ever wanted to be was a mom and I mean this with genuine sincerity. I pictured myself with a minivan full of kids, a soccer mom sticker on the back on my way to a PTA meeting .(I always dreamed of being PTA president too!) The only thing I can say has changed about this fantasy is the vehicle of choice. Can I please substitute the mini van for a luxury SUV? It has been said by some that I was way to smart and could have gone far in life had I applied myself a little more. But the truth is, I have the greatest job on the planet! I get to mold the minds and make an impact on the lives of the 2 most amazing little girls I know and that, to me, is more important than ANY job corporate America has to offer. Each morning I wake upto 2 smiling faces who are eager to know what I have to teach them about life that day. Their hugs let me know that there is not another person on this planet who is as important to them as I am. They drive me bonkers don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to paint you some portrait of SUPER mom here I'm just saying that I would rather be driven insane by these adorable little people than be bored out of my mind without them. I get to home school my daughter, something I have ALWAYS wanted to do. I never get tired of seeing the reaction on people's face when they ask Payton what school she goes to and she says: "my mommy homeschools me". Their initial condescending glares infuriate me. I can almost read their minds. They think she couldn't possibly be learning anything at home. "Shouldn't she be in a "real" school?" one lady had the nerve to ask me in the supermarket checkout line. It didn't take long for Payton's intelligence to shine through and the judgemental onlooker sent an approving glance my way. I was very nonchalant about the whole ordeal outwardly but on the inside I was flipping her the bird! You know, I have to say that there are many things in life I have managed to completely screw up. But this being a mom thing, I've got it DOWN. About 9 times out of 10 that we are around other children her age, Dave and I thank our lucky stars that we get to go home with Payton! She such a great kid-everyone tells me how polite, smart, and overall WONDERFUL she is and you know what? I would like to go ahead and take FULL credit for the incredible little person she is becoming. Sometimes my judgement is questioned and scrutinized and quite often I find myself becoming slightly self conscious of my parenting choices but overall I am doing the best that I know how and that is going to have to work because my best is all I have. According to Payton I am the "best mommy in the world" and her opinion is ALL that matters to me. It blows my mind completely that she is already 5! Now I have Taylor and I get to relive the adventure all over again. Her little personality is blooming a little more each day. I'm already praying for strength, patience, and guidance to deal with her strong-willed personality. Stubborn stubborn-that one and I will bump heads often! lol Gosh she's so stinkin' cute though!

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that overall, I think we {Mothers} tend to be overly judgemental towards eachother. I am incredibly guilty of this. I see someone out at the mall, movies, a resturant, or the supermarket 5 times in a row without their kid(s) and I'm ready to call CPS because obviously this woman does NOT love her children the same way I do! hahaha Okay I'm being melodramatic but honestly, I take my kids everywhere and often I don't get to do FUN pre-kid things because I don't want to ditch them with my mother every chance I get. I think it is MY job to raise MY kids and missing out on things from time to time sort of comes with the territory. I don't like being away from my kids. I can't imagine taking a vacation without them even just for a weekend. I can't imagine leaving them with a sitter 3 nights in a row but some people are okay with that and so I NEED to be okay with that. I get so upset when people are judgemental of my parenting techniques and yet here I am doing the same thing. This is why being a mother is so stressful! We have some crazy stepford wives image in our minds and when we fall short of perfection, we are crushed. I guess I already sort of touched bases on this in my last blog about marriage but it's the same concept with motherhood! Things are not always what we think they should be-this isn't Hollywood people! We need to learn to start helping and encouraging eachother more and accepting that there are all sorts of parenting concepts out there and what is completely wrong for our family may be just perfect for another. Why is it that we put such pressure on ourselves and other mothers? We read about all of these women who snap and drown or shake their baby and we think to ourselves "what a horrible woman, she should be stoned to death!" But really, who of us hasn't at one point or another in this motherhood journey hasn't thought "holy crap kid, shut the hell up or I'm going to loose it!" Here's the deal moms, we are ALL in the same boat here and it is okay to 100% loose your damn mind from time to time. We should be able to vent to one another without the pressures of motherhood without worried about being looked down on. I recently made the decision to stop breastfeeding. Well, the decision was kinda forced on me really, I started drying up and I had to decide whether to start hormones to attempt to get my milk supply back or just throw in the towel and I decided that it was time to let it go. I felt guilty for the 1st week and when I told some people I had quit I got some "she's too young for you to quit" comments but really, I lasted 8 months and that is pretty darn good if you ask me. She isn't having any problems with formula, in fact I think it has helped her reflux a bit honestly so what in the world gives people the right to make me feel like an unfit mother for shoving a bottle in her mouth?!?!?! The bottom line here is I will raise my children the way I think is best and you raise yours the way YOU think is best. I'm gonna try real hard to beat off my thoughts of disapproval for the parenting styles of others.