Active Duty

When Dave and I met 2 years ago, he had just been discharged from the Army. Even though I didn't really know him through the Army years, I have always been very proud of my soldier. Even though, I didn't experience the effects of him being in Iraq, just seeing the pictures, and reading the letters to/from family brings me to tears. Just thinking of him in the midst of all this danger makes me physically ill. So even though I have always declared being a proud Army wife, I never really wanted to re-visit that era in his life. Yesterday my mother in law called to inform me that we had a package from the Army that had been delivered to her house. We often get mail over there so I said, we would swing by and pick it up after dinner. When we got there, she handed Dave a manila envelope from the Army, it had been sent priority overnight so we knew it wasn't GOOD news. As he started reading the 1st sheet, I grabbed the 2nd identical sheet and begin to read. I didn't quite understand what I was reading the first time around. I think my heart was beating in my chest too loudly to think clearly. Were my worst nightmares coming true? I took a deep breath and read it through again. "You are relieved from your present reserve status and ordered to report for a period of active duty" blah...blah...blah "report date: February 14" happy valentine's day, blah...blah...blah "deployment" blah...blah...blah "400 days" blah... blah... blah. The room started spinning. Dave was talking, his parents were talking, the room, WAS SPINNING. I put the paper down and walked to the other room hoping it would all go away. When I returned the room continued to spin and Dave put his arm around me and lead me to the truck. I don't remember saying bye to his parents. We won't know the exact orders until he reports for duty in February but if he is found to meet "deployment medical standards" he will likely be spending a year in Afghanistan. IF he meets medical standards that is. Dave has a piece of metal in his head/neck from Iraq and so I'm praying at this point that's enough to keep him out of deployment. The next 60 days will be agonizing until we know what is going to happen for sure. Even him leaving the day after his birthday to be there on Valentines day for testing/processing breaks my heart because besides the obvious, he will also be missing Taylor's 1st birthday on the 17th. If he gets deployed she will be 2 when he gets home and Payton will be in Kindergarten. I will have raised our kids for a whole year by myself! I'm so devastated right now. We have only spent ONE night apart in almost 2 years now and the thought of sleeping without him for a year brings my physical pain. I feel so sick right now. Please keep us in your prayers and PRAY that the metal in his head is enough to keep him home with the kids and I. My heart goes out to all the mothers who have their husbands overseas. There is just a possibility that my husband will go and I'm already crying non stop!

Astro turf-itis

I like to pretend that I'm an optimistic person but in reality I am quite the opposite. In fact I rarely even view the glass as half empty. Most of the time I feel like I served a tall glass of KoolAid and turned my back for just a second to serve a snack. When I turn back around to grab my beverage, I find that someone snuck up and drank the whole thing! I'm really trying to become an overall more positive person but lately I've really been struggling with what I call "AstroTurf-itis". I know what you're thinking... THIS woman just makes up her own psychological diseases! Well, yes, I guess I do. This is a good one though. I based this complex on a MySpace blog I wrote a few years back. It basically states that if you look across the street and think the grass is greener on the other side, it is probably AstroTurf. By this I just mean that everyone has their share of issues in their own life. It just may be that the tenant of that house across the way is envious of your flowerbeds blissfully unaware that they are filled with silk flowers. Lately, I've been looking around here thinking I need new furniture. Our neighbors got new furniture recently, I saw the Lacks delivery truck unloading it last week. I immediately started feeling sorry for myself. We really need more seating in our living room. Why can't WE afford new furniture? The Lord always has his subtle way of putting me in my place. I remembered later while curled up on our tiny sofa with Dave that my neighbor's husband works overseas. She practically raises their 3 children alone. She is probably sitting on her new love seat ALONE watching TV wishing that her husband was there to cuddle with her. I want a bigger car, I complain about it frequently. My car just isn't big enough for 2 car seats, a stroller, and groceries. I recently saw a woman and her 4 young children waiting at the bus stop with bags of groceries. At least I HAVE a car. It may be small, it may not be luxury, but it's fairly new and it runs. It gets me from point A to point B-what do I have to complain about? Some friends of the family bought a new house. An AMAZING new house in an AMAZING neighborhood. They seem to have the perfect life but I know her husband is having an affair. He won't touch his own wife. They sleep in separate bedrooms of their AMAZINGLY huge new home. My house is nice. It's not fabulous, and it still needs some work but, it's in good condition, in a good neighborhood, and most importantly my marriage is amazing. I trust my husband fully and he trusts me. We are more in love everyday. We have a strong solid relationship. Sure we fight but over trivial pointless things nothing life altering. I hear myself complain about Taylor crying non stop. She's such a difficult child I say quite often. I love her with all my heart don't get me wrong and I really just can't get enough of her adorable little face but sometimes she frustrates me enough that I actually COMPLAIN about her! What the heck! She could scream all day and all night for a year and I would still be thankful for her very existence. I know a woman who can't have children. She's miscarried 6 times and her doctor has finally said, enough is enough, you CANNOT carry a child full term-it's time to stop trying and explore other means of having a child. I cannot even begin to imagine that pain. I praise God daily for 2 amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, healthy children. Taylor can scream all she wants-she is still an incredible blessing. My mother once asked me if I was jealous that my sister could afford a fancy private school for my niece and I couldn't afford to send Payton to that same school. I almost laughed in her face. Am I jealous of her? Really? I home school my child. I taught her everything she knows. I get to spend ALL day with her. If you ask me, she should be the one who is jealous! No no... I'm not saying she's a bad mom for working and putting her child in an actual school I'm just saying I don't feel like Payton is missing out on anything. She learns everyday, she gets one on one attention, her teacher is ALWAYS on hand, she has playdates, soccer, and ballet for social interaction. She doesn't miss A THING! So now my friends here it comes... the point is as humans, we are all so incredibly ungrateful-and don't pretend to be the exception to the rule. We are all guilty of standing in our yards (metaphorically speaking) and pointing out how green our neighbors astro turf grass is, how much shade that huge plastic oak tree in HER yard provides, how HER silk flowers seem to bloom year round. Maybe just maybe we should look down from time to time, kick off our shoes, and enjoy how soft and cushy OUR own grass is. Fertilizer and lots of water is the key to a lovely lawn. Read the word of God and learn to be more appreciative of what YOU have. Forget all about what SHE/HE has. I spend more time worrying about money and matierial things than absolutely necessary. Sometimes I forget all that I already have and all that has been promised to me.

Matthew 6:25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Livin' on redbull

It seems these days I don't have much time to blog let alone eat or breathe! I'm juggling the kids and I'm overall just loosing my mind! Ballet, Soccer, more ballet, playdates, home school. Eeeesh. I'm pooped-I can barley keep up with it all! I'm pretty much living on sugar-free redbull for the past few weeks. On top of the crazy schedules my kids keep, I also have to juggle my 10,000 sidejobs. Cakes, Photography, Passion parties-OH MY! We are also gearing up for a garage sale so I have cleaned out each and every room and now I'm pretty sure I can't even walk in my garage. I feel so overwhelmed with boxes that I don't even know where to begin sorting it. I have half a mind to just call someone to haul it all away but with the holidays around the corner I could certainly use some extra $$$! So, I'm running around with the kids during the day, trying to get my chores done at night, and editing pictures in between! The photography thing is picking up. I certainly didn't think that I was good enough to make a career of it yet but, I seem to improve a little with each shot and am getting calls for holiday bookings. Thank you LORD! Check out my website to see what I have been up to: www.onlinepictureproof.com/pieceofcakephotography. My ex-husband moved to Dallas this week so I will also be working on adjusting to new schedules as far as his visits with Payton are concerned. On a lighter note, I visited the pumpkin patch 1 too many times last week! I wanted to get some fall pictures of my girls so we went out Tuesday. Taylor and some friends had a playdate there on Thursday, we met my sister and her kiddos there for more pics Friday, and some friends on Saturday to snap some pics of their darling new baby Aiden in his pumpkin costume. I haven't edited Aiden's pics yet or my nieces but here are some of my favorites of my kiddos!

oh and you MUST see Taylor with her friends Aubrey & EmmaNicole. These 3 definetly drew a crowd!

off to bed because my redbull is starting to wear off!

look up in the sky... it's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPERMOM!

If you have children you know that there are many things you loose the second you give birth. Personally, I lost my sanity, my figure, perkiness in a certain area, the ability to consume large amounts of alcohol, the luxury of sleeping in, and clean shirts just to name a few. On the other hand you gain a whole new appreciation for the simple things in life. I never took the time to admire a butterfly 0r a pretty flower until I had Payton. There is so much you sacrifice for your children and you do it without even thinking about it. One of my favorite movies of all time is "where the heart is". When they present Natalie Portman's character with her newborn baby girl for the very 1st time she says: "How can you love someone so much who you just met?" I think this sums it up. From the MOMENT you know that child is there growing inside of you, you form this undying completely selfless love. It's a love you never imagined existed. I love everything about being a mom (okay maybe I could live without the spit up on my shirt). All I ever wanted to be was a mom and I mean this with genuine sincerity. I pictured myself with a minivan full of kids, a soccer mom sticker on the back on my way to a PTA meeting .(I always dreamed of being PTA president too!) The only thing I can say has changed about this fantasy is the vehicle of choice. Can I please substitute the mini van for a luxury SUV? It has been said by some that I was way to smart and could have gone far in life had I applied myself a little more. But the truth is, I have the greatest job on the planet! I get to mold the minds and make an impact on the lives of the 2 most amazing little girls I know and that, to me, is more important than ANY job corporate America has to offer. Each morning I wake upto 2 smiling faces who are eager to know what I have to teach them about life that day. Their hugs let me know that there is not another person on this planet who is as important to them as I am. They drive me bonkers don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to paint you some portrait of SUPER mom here I'm just saying that I would rather be driven insane by these adorable little people than be bored out of my mind without them. I get to home school my daughter, something I have ALWAYS wanted to do. I never get tired of seeing the reaction on people's face when they ask Payton what school she goes to and she says: "my mommy homeschools me". Their initial condescending glares infuriate me. I can almost read their minds. They think she couldn't possibly be learning anything at home. "Shouldn't she be in a "real" school?" one lady had the nerve to ask me in the supermarket checkout line. It didn't take long for Payton's intelligence to shine through and the judgemental onlooker sent an approving glance my way. I was very nonchalant about the whole ordeal outwardly but on the inside I was flipping her the bird! You know, I have to say that there are many things in life I have managed to completely screw up. But this being a mom thing, I've got it DOWN. About 9 times out of 10 that we are around other children her age, Dave and I thank our lucky stars that we get to go home with Payton! She such a great kid-everyone tells me how polite, smart, and overall WONDERFUL she is and you know what? I would like to go ahead and take FULL credit for the incredible little person she is becoming. Sometimes my judgement is questioned and scrutinized and quite often I find myself becoming slightly self conscious of my parenting choices but overall I am doing the best that I know how and that is going to have to work because my best is all I have. According to Payton I am the "best mommy in the world" and her opinion is ALL that matters to me. It blows my mind completely that she is already 5! Now I have Taylor and I get to relive the adventure all over again. Her little personality is blooming a little more each day. I'm already praying for strength, patience, and guidance to deal with her strong-willed personality. Stubborn stubborn-that one and I will bump heads often! lol Gosh she's so stinkin' cute though!

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that overall, I think we {Mothers} tend to be overly judgemental towards eachother. I am incredibly guilty of this. I see someone out at the mall, movies, a resturant, or the supermarket 5 times in a row without their kid(s) and I'm ready to call CPS because obviously this woman does NOT love her children the same way I do! hahaha Okay I'm being melodramatic but honestly, I take my kids everywhere and often I don't get to do FUN pre-kid things because I don't want to ditch them with my mother every chance I get. I think it is MY job to raise MY kids and missing out on things from time to time sort of comes with the territory. I don't like being away from my kids. I can't imagine taking a vacation without them even just for a weekend. I can't imagine leaving them with a sitter 3 nights in a row but some people are okay with that and so I NEED to be okay with that. I get so upset when people are judgemental of my parenting techniques and yet here I am doing the same thing. This is why being a mother is so stressful! We have some crazy stepford wives image in our minds and when we fall short of perfection, we are crushed. I guess I already sort of touched bases on this in my last blog about marriage but it's the same concept with motherhood! Things are not always what we think they should be-this isn't Hollywood people! We need to learn to start helping and encouraging eachother more and accepting that there are all sorts of parenting concepts out there and what is completely wrong for our family may be just perfect for another. Why is it that we put such pressure on ourselves and other mothers? We read about all of these women who snap and drown or shake their baby and we think to ourselves "what a horrible woman, she should be stoned to death!" But really, who of us hasn't at one point or another in this motherhood journey hasn't thought "holy crap kid, shut the hell up or I'm going to loose it!" Here's the deal moms, we are ALL in the same boat here and it is okay to 100% loose your damn mind from time to time. We should be able to vent to one another without the pressures of motherhood without worried about being looked down on. I recently made the decision to stop breastfeeding. Well, the decision was kinda forced on me really, I started drying up and I had to decide whether to start hormones to attempt to get my milk supply back or just throw in the towel and I decided that it was time to let it go. I felt guilty for the 1st week and when I told some people I had quit I got some "she's too young for you to quit" comments but really, I lasted 8 months and that is pretty darn good if you ask me. She isn't having any problems with formula, in fact I think it has helped her reflux a bit honestly so what in the world gives people the right to make me feel like an unfit mother for shoving a bottle in her mouth?!?!?! The bottom line here is I will raise my children the way I think is best and you raise yours the way YOU think is best. I'm gonna try real hard to beat off my thoughts of disapproval for the parenting styles of others.

Cinderella Syndrome

I have to say there was a time in our marriage that I thought to myself why did I bother divorcing the 1st idiot if the 2nd one is just the same??!?!?! I spent half the day finding things to hate about Dave just so I could have a legitimate reason to be pissed off at him when he got home. He didn't throw the trash, he didn't help with the kid/s (before there were 2!). He threw his dirty clothes on the floor, played a little more "call of duty" than I was comfortable with, he wasn't romantic enough, yada, yada, yada. You get the point. I in fact had pretty much convinced myself that there was absolutely NOTHING on God's green earth good about this man I had married. That being said, I was a very miserable woman. One day I screamed at him and told him he obviously didn't love me because he never bothered to do anything romantic. "Well, what is romantic to you?" he asked. "I don't know how to be romantic, give me some ideas." "If I have to give you ideas it isn't very romantic is it?" I snapped back. "Why don't you google it!" I shouted sarcastically over my shoulder as I stormed off. Things continued at this pace for another month or so and we were nothing more than roommates who happened to share a bed and last name. One day I convinced myself that I didn't need him, I have been a single mother before, by golly, I can do this again. I told him I was very unhappy in our marriage and that if things didn't change, I wanted out. He agreed that he was also unhappy and had no desire to fix it if I didn't. I thought about what he said that night after he had gone to bed and truly had to dig deep to see if I had the desire to make this work. I begin to make a list of his good and bad qualities and after the first 5 irritating habits of his I wrote down in the "bad" column was stumped. I couldn't think of one single thing I loved about him and this made me angry and sad and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I cried out to God and asked for his guidance on how to resolve the hatred and resentment I had for my husband. I went to bed that night discouraged. When Dave left for work the next morning, I tried to pretend to be asleep so he wouldn't try to talk to me and to my surprise he came over to my side of the bed and kissed me gently on the forehead before leaving. As the door shut behind him I remembered that he kissed me the same way every morning but normally I'm awake when he leaves. I didn't however realize that he did this even if I was asleep and blissfully unaware of it or after a fight. I broke down crying because suddenly I had this list of "good" flooding my mind. I ran to the living room and grabbed my notebook and started jotting things down. I remembered that he kisses me sweetly on the forehead EVERY night without fail and says the same "goodnight beautiful" whether we have been fighting or not. I realized that his love for me is unconditional and although it seems that throughout the day he has a difficult time displaying his affections they are definitely there! It dawned on me that him asking what was romantic to me was his way of saying he DID want to work on it but that I had to help him. So, I took my own advice and googled the subject. I typed in "the most romantic thing your husband has ever done" in the search bar and expected to find stories of "I love you" billboards, special surprise dates, and gourmet dinners. What I found instead made me giggle. I found entries from moms saying the most romantic thing their husband had ever done was take over dish duty, take the kids to the movies so they could indulge in a quiet bubble bath, and whisper sweet little nothings in their ears. What!??!? You mean to tell me my husband IS romantic by the average woman's standards? Then and there I vowed not to view things in my marriage in a negative light. I realized that my perception of love and marriage was an unrealistic fantasy. I had what I like to call "Cinderella Syndrome". I thought that true love had to be a fairy tale. The truth of the matter is, life isn't a fairy tale, you create your own happy endings. We have to let go of our glass slipper fantasies and embrace real world love that I have come to realize is 100 times better than fairy tale love. When Dave came home that afternoon I hugged him tightly and was newly in love with him. I realized that the frustrations we were both dealing with could easily be resolved with a little bit of communication. We discussed our expectations of each other and offered suggestions on how we could achieve these expectations of one another. When we BOTH put forth an effort it became virtually effortless to make each other happy. We now know what is expected of each other and what makes the other tick. I shudder at the thought of being without this man. He makes me so incredibly happy. He has become the husband and father that makes other envious. We share a love for each other that is real, passionate, and better than anything you will see in a Disney movie! Don't get me wrong we still have the occasional tift, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. But, we know how to fight and we know how to make up afterwards ;) I thought I knew what love was before this but boy was I wrong. His absence causes me physical pain and his voice melts me. His strong and yet gentle touch dissolves my worries. Do I get "I love you billboards" and other insane movie-like romance? Nope, but the difference is, I don't want them anymore! I am unconditionally in love with my husband and his displays of affection are romantic enough for me!

So you call yourself a Christian!?!??!

I am so absolutely infuriated at the moment! I took the girls to HEB this afternoon to pick up a few necessities and I was instantly irritated with the complete lack of manners some people display. I get into the parking lot and a white truck parked up front caught my eye. It said "homosexuals, Lesbians, pedophiles, (and something else I can't remember), you are an abomination against God". Really? You had to put that on your truck!?!? What kind of hypocritical christian wanna-be would do such a ridiculous thing. Biblically, God says that homosexuality is a sin. However, he also says that he views all sins the same. There is no sin worse than the other. Homosexuality, stealing, lying, cheating, they are ALL the same in Christ's eyes. This scripture immediately came to mind: Matthew 7:4 "How can you say to your brother let me remove the speck from your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" I continue walking shaking my head in disagreement and begin loading my groceries into my car. "mama, what's that?" Payton asked while pointing in the direction of the hypocrites truck. I glanced over my shoulder and there it was. A whole anti-abortion campaign on the drivers side. It is peachy to be pro-life and all and completely within your constitutional rights but to post full color pictures of aborted fetuses there for the world to see is definitely a violation of MY rights. I froze, how do you explain the concept of abortion to a 5 year old? She even said it looked like a "tiny bloody baby". I am shaking and furious now and decide I need to find out more about this so called Christan group and church that would do something so despicable. I drive up to the truck searching for the name, it is on the back but I decide to get a picture of each side first. As I am snapping the first one, the owner of the truck comes out, blocks my shot of the church name and gives me one of those if looks could kill looks. Needless to say, I chickened out and drove off. I'm googling churches in attempts to find these idiots and give their pastor a piece of my mind. I think it said something like "the good life church" but I can't find anything like that. Has anyone seen this truck or know of a church that sounds like this? If so, please let me know. Our children need to be protected from these disturbing images!

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to make a sandwich

Pretty sure I was just about ready to jump off an overpass this afternoon but I figured with my luck I would probably just break my leg! The morning started out innocent enough. Taylor woke up in a seemingly good mood and I thought to myself "aahhhh... it's gonna be a fabulous day!" I had plans of ditching our typical school routine and taking Payton to the sibley learning center (a local educational nature walk). We all had breakfast, said our morning prayers, and did our bible study. I put on a phonics game on the computer for Payton to play as I got Taylor and myself ready. I glanced at my phone to see the time and noticed the date and the missed text message. Holy moly-it's FRIDAY! I had promised our vets office I would donate a few dozen cupcakes to their bake sale to benefit their non-profit organization to help animals in need. The text was from a girl who works at the office wondering if I had a chance to bring them up. Grrrrreat! I rummaged through my pantry praying to God I had some cake baking supplies. It was slim pickings but I would have to make do. By this time, Taylor's good mood was out the window and I had to bake with a baby on my hip. I set her down for a minute to play in the living room and dashed into the kitchen for fear I had burnt the cupcakes. I had dropped a plastic cutting board on the floor earlier while holding Tay but didn't pick it up because I was preoccupied. Yeah that came back and bit me in the ass-literally. I didn't see it and skated across the room pulling a muscle (or two) and landed clear on the other side of the kitchen on my butt. I hoisted myself up and snagged the cupcakes from the oven just in time. Apparently there was a hole in my oven mitt (I use them frequently) and as I removed the steaming cupcakes from the pan I burned my finger! I rummaged through the refrigerator sure I had some leftover icing but no luck. Joy now I have to make a batch! I ventured back to the pantry all the while mumbling vulgarities to retrieve icing supplies (again with a baby on my hip). I grabbed the shortening and accidentally knocked a can of green beans on my barefoot-OUCH. After it bounced off my throbbing toe, it landed on a small canister of hot pink icing color smashing it and sending dye in 20 directions all over my white tile where it remains at this moment. I finish the cupcakes right at lunch time and decide to go wash the powdered sugar out of my hair before delivering them. I turned the water on and began to climb in. I felt my foot slip out from under me and I grabbed a hold of the shower curtain hoping to steady myself. I ended up in the splits with the entire shower curtain over my head. I regain my composure, shower quickly, and then load the girls and the cupcakes in the car. The rest of the afternoon wasn't so unpleasant except the fact that Taylor was refusing her nap-AGAIN! Dave got home and we went to Barnes and Noble for a bit and it seemed like my bad day had come to an end. We decided to pick up Schlotzky's on our way home because I was in no mood to cook after the day of torture. I ordered my usual a ham and cheese original with NO mustard or onions and the same for Dave with no olives because the wierdo hates them! If you know me very well, you know that the sheer smell of mustard turns my stomach in knots and makes me want to hurl. We get home and unwrap our dinner-I'm STARVING by this point and what do I smell? Yeah you guessed it, MUSTARD and that's not all, there were crunchy onions on them too. Normally, I am very passive about this sort of thing but after the day I was having I felt like I deserved to have an edible version of our $15 worth of sandwiches. So I quickly googled the phone number and got the manager on the line. I explained the situation and he was very apologetic and said if we would come back he would make us some fresh sandwiches. Dave offered to retrieve them since I was stuck on the sofa feeding Taylor. 30 minutes later the new sandwiches arrived-yeah 30 freakin' minutes! "You checked them to make sure they didn't F* up again right?" I asked Dave. "No but they made them fresh while I waited and the manager read back the correct order to me. What are the odds of them messing up twice?" was his reply. I shrugged and skeptically held my breath as I unwrapped the replacement. Seriously? Seriously? WTF MUSTARD AND ONIONS AGAIN and this time they removed the olives from mine as well. I LOVE the damn olives! Now I am practically foaming at the mouth and ready to go on a shooting spree so I hit redial on my phone. This time I am not so nice. I recognized the managers voice on the other line. "Hi there" I said. "I sent my husband in to pick up replacement sandwiches because you guys had given me the wrong order and I just unwrapped them to discover that you guys screwed up again!" I am a nice person, I really am. How often have you heard me raise my voice-and to a perfect stranger for that matter!?!?? "What was wrong with the order?" the manager asked. I explained the mustard, onion, and lack of olive issue and he assured me that he had carefully informed his employees of the correct order. Now I am extra pissed. Really? As the manager you informed your employees of the correct order but didn't insure customer satisfaction!?!?!? "I would be glad to make you another sandwich if you want to come pick it up." Oh the straw that broke the camel's back. "Really?" I practically screamed. "You want me to get in my car and drive across town AGAIN because you screwed up AGAIN? This is your plan to rectify the situation?" I paused for a second waiting for a response but he was quite obviously not sure what to say. "I will just throw the sandwich away and eat a bowl of cereal but you should know that your staff is entirely incompetent. I mean seriously making a sandwich is NOT rocket science!" and with that I hung up and threw my phone on the sofa and then began to sob. No I'm not a complete fatty-I wasn't crying over the sandwich. But let us quickly recap the day shall we? Fall #1, rushed cupcakes, burnt finger, cranky baby, green beans on toe, cranky baby, pink color on the tile, fall #2, cranky baby, messed up sandwich #1, cranky baby, messed up sandwich #2. Okay so reflecting on the situation now I realize I was being slightly melodramatic and I may have been slightly tacky to the poor Schlotzky's manager but really how much more can a girl take in one day!?!!? That being said, I chose to polish off the last drops of sangria in my fridge for dinner and that seemed to relax me a bit and blogging about the atrocities of the day has also seemed to calm my nerves. I think I will bury my head in a book for a few until I am drowsy enough to sleep. Please God let tomorrow be better!

ah the joys of marriage

I disliked my poor husband greatly today. Not sure why. Something inside me snapped. He irritated me and it was the icing on the cake to a stressful week I guess. I mean really he didn't do MUCH wrong. He even threw the trash like a good boy but wooooooooooah did I need some strong medication because once I got started I couldn't control the anger. I cussed at him-I rarely do that and he laughed at me. He shook his head and gave this irritating little smirk because I suppose if I really think about it, my behavior was quite out of character for me. His amusement fueled my rage. "I'm glad you think this is funny" I screamed. We went out to dinner because I was stressed and had NO desire to cook. Okay okay, I admit it was slightly premeditated. Maybe just maybe I saved those damn weight watchers points all day so I could have some Jason's deli strawberry shortcake but Taylor screaming and me being irritated gave me a reasonable argument to go out. Halfway through dinner I apologized for my behavior and tried to explain the reason for my temporary psychosis but I guess I didn't really have a good reason. I honestly think I was just upset that he was a MAN. He told Payton to pick up a toy off the floor or he was going to throw it away and I was thinking, she's 4. If I threw away every pair or undies you left on the floor you wouldn't have any! It all just snowballed from there. I guess I was halfway upset that I was the one confined to the sofa nursing Taylor. Why the heck can't HE produce the milk!?!? haha I was stressed out and angry at the way the week has gone and he was the closest adult around to take the blame. Sorry honey-I see a back massage in your future! Am I the only one who feels like Adam got off waaaaaaaaaaay easier than Eve? Sure Eve picked the fruit but in her defense she was coerced and Adam didn't put up much of an argument before he ate it too! So why the menstrual cycle, the cramps, bloating, acne? Why the nausea and weight gain of childbearing/birth and for God's sake WHY the lactation!?!?!? lol Goodnight, I pray I wake up on the RIGHT side of the bed tomorrow and I can tell you now this greatly depends on what side of the bed Taylor wakes up on!

Mi vida loca

Holy moly my life is insane sometimes! We started another fabulous year of home school Monday and it's been harder on me getting back into the swing of things then it has been for Payton. I've been bombarded with showers lately as well. Seems like everyone I know is getting married and/or having babies! One of my dearest friends is getting married in a few weeks and I have poured most of my energy this week into planning a fabulous bachelorette party for her. The whole planning process and other assorted wedding related drama has really taken a toll on her and I really want her to know how special and loved she is! I'm also spending alot of time in front of the mirror wondering what the hell happened to loosing all this baby weight in time to look decent in my bridesmaid dress!?!?! Bummer. This is a task that is proving more difficult than I imagined. I got a wii fit a month and a half ago and I LOVE it (it was an early anniversary present-thanks honey!). God knows I can't make it to they gym with my insane schedule so it's right up my alley. I was very committed in the beginning and did loose SOME. But I'm finding the crazier my schedule gets, the less I feel like cardio shapeboxing! So I joined weight watchers online last week as well. I figure some tweaking of my dietary choices would probably go a long way. I've tried to get Dave on the bandwagon as well but, he isn't easily swayed away from Pizza and Mt. Dew. lol He has been very supportive though. He fends for himself some days when Payton and I are having a tuna sandwich and an apple for lunch. I LOVE fruits and veggies so eating this way doesn't bother me. I think my main struggle is fighting off my cheesecake cravings! I realize I will NEVER be a 0, 1, or 2 ever again but I will settle for a 4 or hell anything other then the size 8 I am currently trapped in! I'm waaaaay too short to be carrying any extra weight! It also seems I have a problem with saying no and every couple of weeks I find myself hosting a shower, helping with a party, or donating cakes to charitable events. I like to help others I truly do but between raising 2 children, 1 husband, 2 dogs, housework, home school, showers, parties, weddings, and charitable causes I usually forget to take some time out for myself. Well, I don't forget necessarily I just don't have any hours left in the day.

On top of the added stress of a new school year, showers, birthday parties, and attempted weight loss, I am also struggling with how to deal with my ex-husband. I try to be civil with him for the sake of Payton but I get incredibly frustrated when he is so behind on child support and still gets to come pick my child up and take her to chuck-e-cheese every week. He comes around talking about his new gym membership and the cruise he is taking with friends but when I ask for the money I am owed, he "will get it to me as soon as possible". I realize it's a large sum of money and I don't expect to get it all in one day but seriously, make a freakin' effort! Take the $50 a month you are paying to the gym and pay ME instead don't buy yourself a new pair of $90 shoes pay your damn child support! Meanwhile I'm up late rearranging our budget so that I can afford for Payton to go to ballet next week, buy her new ballet shoes (a size bigger than last year) and a leotard. I'm the one who can't buy new shoes because I have to pay for Payton's soccer registration, shoes, socks, and shin guards! How is this fair? Meanwhile he is getting all the glory and gets to be the fun parent because he has extra money to go to Chuck-e-cheese, gatties, and putt putt. He gets to go play golf with his buddies and even bought Payton her own set of pink golf clubs and I'm sitting here trying to figure out where I'm going to get some extra money to pick up a few educational supplies for homeschool. I think it's great that he wants to take her to do fun things but how is that fair to me? I can't afford movies, chuckecheese, and puttputt in the same week BECAUSE of him. I'm incredibly frustrated with the situation and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that he shows up at my parents house and puts on some sweet ex-son-in-law act and they buy it. Every time I go to my sister's house I find him in the garage with my brother in law. How does he think this makes my husband feel? I feel betrayed by my family sometimes. I wonder where the hell their loyalty is. If he had been a wonderful husband if he was a good guy I would have NO problem with them associating themselves with him. But do they really not see him for who he is? Don't they see the games he plays? All I hear about is how he is no good and how worried they are when he has Payton. I hear about how irresponsible he is and how irritated my father is that he doesn't pay his child support or the money Jimmy owes him for that matter. I hear about how I need to hire an attorney and back him into a wall. But then the next day they are having lunch together. He hit me and then took my dad to lunch with MY child support money and Dave and I are the only ones who see a problem with that?!?!! Eeeesh... I feel for poor Dave in this situation as well. He loves Payton as if she were his own daughter and he gladly pays for everything she needs and wants but it is truly unfair to him that he provides everything for her with NO help from her biological "father" and will never get the glory of being her Dad. She loves him and calls him Daddy but every other weekend and every Wednesday a part of our family is missing and I have NO control over it. It's like she is being kidnapped against my will every week, I get nothing in return, and it is all perfectly legal! Pray for me because I am really struggling with this. I don't know what the Christian way to deal with the situation is. I want to take him to court, to send him to jail, to hit him back, to make him PAY but I know this isn't what God wants me to do so I sit here and wait not so patiently for God to reveal to me the solution. I forgive him for what he has done to me in the past I truly do but doesn't he see he drives a wedge in between my family and I? Doesn't he see he affects my marriage by trying to still play the son-in-law role with my family and screwing us financially? So you didn't want to do everything in your power to save our marriage, fine but do you truly have to come along and screw this one up for me too!??!!?

Oh that felt good to say out loud-or type whatever. My blood pressure has escalated just thinking of it and oh here come the cheesecake cravings again so I better go to bed and suppress them! lol

Getting to know the Latch clan.

Hi there! Thought I should introduce myself and my cute little family for those who don't know me very well or don't know me at all for that matter! My name is Lori & I am a 25 year old mommy of two gorgeous girls and one big boy (my husband). I have lived in West Texas since I was 4 and I don't see myself ever leaving. It's such a great place to raise a family!
I own a party planning company called Piece of Cake but for the most part I'm a stay at home mom. I offer a wide variety of services including event planning, invitations, custom cakes, photography, and unique gifts. Mainly I do cakes though and not really by choice, but more because people call day in and day out for them. I don't LOVE doing cakes. Hell I don't even LIKE doing cakes most days but hey, it brings in some extra shopping money so I don't complain much!
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I love to sing, scrapbook, read, write, paint, take pictures, and anything else artsy really. I have big plans for the future but I am willing to wait on God's timing before putting them all into action. For now I would rather make being the best mommy I can be my full time job.

Now meet my hubby Dave. He's 26 but a big kid at heart. He is actually from California but moved here officially when he got out of the Army in 08. We met about 4 days later through his sister (a very close friend of mine) and have pretty much been inseparable since. He is truly my best friend even though he irritates the crap out of me about 99% of the time, and I often refer to him as "my 3rd child". lol I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. We have a blast together . We really don't have a thing in common honestly but I think that is what makes us work. If we were both the same, one of us would be useless right!??!

Then there is Payton Faith or Paytie as we often call her. She is likely the sweetest and smartest 4 year old you will ever meet (not to mention GORGEOUS) and I don't just say that because she is my child. She is wise beyond her years and always manages to talk sense into me when I'm not making any sense to myself. She has a heart of gold! I home school her because she wasn't feeling challenged enough in her old preschool ( I know this because she informed me that she didn't really like the other kids in her class because she was smarter than they were! lol) She will be 5 next month but misses the cutoff for Kindergarden by a few weeks so I will keep her home one more year before sending her off to an academically suitable Kindergarden. Yes, I actually researched the curriculums! She is so much like me it is scary. She loves books, painting, hannah montana, ballet, singing, and any kind of pasta! She starts soccer next month and she couldn't be more excited! I love watching the little person she is becoming.

Finally we have our newest addition: Taylor Grace or Tater Tot. She just turned 6 months old and is the spitting image of her Daddy. She's a doll but definetly not my easy child. She is stubborn as can be (she gets that from her Daddy too). That child makes me want to pull my hair out somedays but she is just too stinkin' cute to stay mad at. Her smile melts my heart. Her personality is developing a little more everyday. Babies are soooooo fun!

Last but certainly not least come our really dumb but very loveable furry children Bella & Shilo. They actually came to us via my ex-husband. Hence the dumb traits! ha ha jk (kinda) Bella will be one next month and Shilo is two.
Bella Shilo

Hopping on the bandwagon...

As a mother, I completely enjoy talking about my children and their day to day accomplishments. However, as a freakin' human being I have to say there are a whole handful of topics I would like to address that have nothing to do with bowel movements, spit-up, ballet, spongebob squarepants, diaper rash, or Bendaroos. That being said, I have decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon. Frankly, these topics that don't involve something relating to my children typically pop into my mind late in the evening when my children are sleeping soundly (FINALLY). I figure tapping away on the old keyboard would be a much more appealing option for releasing my thoughts and feelings of the day then picking up the phone and disturbing my friends from a peaceful nights sleep. So here we are-if you are bored, curious, nosey, or just genuinely interested in my life feel free to peek in periodically and take a little ride in the Latch lane :)